We are pleased to present the interview with an eminent professor from the International Slavic University “G. R. Derzhavin”, PhD Keti Nestorovska. While teaching the subjects of Sociology, Social psychology and Family psychology, her knowledge spreads into a real range. We are hoping that you will enjoy reading the interview, the same way we have enjoyed listening her answers for the first time.

How important is the social side in our life?

It is of crucial importance, because as Aristotle said, the man is basically just a political or social creature. The social component is reserved only for homo sapiens – the man and in the theories of Maslow very often affiliate or social motives overcome the primary motives such as hunger, thirst, etc.

What is your opinion on increasing the connection between the people on distance through technology, at the expense of reducing the connection with those in the immediate vicinity?

Whether we wanted or not, the technology itself has made that act.  The technology has provided communication at a distance and this way we can communicate in space and time. It is a characteristic for the second half of the 20^th century and 21^st century, by which in a certain way the planet has been transformed into a global village.

What is the most important thing for us to connect with other people?

To succeed in developing the communication capability, to realize common interests, which are often of an existential character and to build relationships of communication in terms of competition and cooperation in a positive sense.

When connecting with other people, it is inevitable to encounter a certain conflict. What is the best way to deal with conflicts?

Men,basically possess two drives, a drive to live and a destructive drive. Therefore, the destruction is an integral part of people’s behavior. However, the essence of our life and the long-lasting process of socialization is how to get the most of any situation, in order to provide more developed quality interpersonal relationships by skill, knowledge and ability and to be able to realize the set goal.

Even the high-minded people, in the period of infatuation, wear “pink glasses” when it comes to their partner. Why is this happening and can it be controlled?

Infatuation is a phase of hypnosis in which people cannot recognize themselves, with the level of consciousness falling to a very low level. Naturally, the French philosopher Voltaire said “If the age of 18 had not existed, falling in love would have never existed”.  This phase is an appropriate stage in the development of each person, even I would say inevitable. In that period of infatuation, is has been confirmed that reasoning is strange to man, but fortunately these phases last relatively briefly, so the impulse and the unconscious are replaced by more and less conscious and reasonable conduct.

Many of us live with our extended family. Many people at mature age also live with their parents and it is a matter of fact whether they will move out at all, which is very different form the way emancipation is perceived in the west.  What are the positive and the negative consequences of this?

It is part of the traditional form of living of the cultural –axiological system of values that is present in our country. Certainly, tradition is the most enduring element of every culture and it changes very slowly, but in our society and in aporic social circumstances that have been going on for almost 30 years, a lot of things have changed, but the traditional model of collective living caused by objective reasons still exists. What have caused the traditional model of living to endure?  The socioeconomic conditions and lifestyle factors do not allow young people to have the basic right, as Cicero said the right to work, and due to these reasons they are more or less “bound” by mutual living with the primary family and regardless of the fact that they have been physically and mentally mature and according to the logic of things they should live independently. Obviously, apart from these objective reasons, there is also the subjective factor of the overwhelming emotional bond between the parents and children. And sometimes even the tragic understanding of the separation from the family, perhaps is a sign that the parents have not realized their parental function in the true sense of the word. Clearly, the experience form the West speaks about one completely different interpersonal relation parents – children.

On the other hand, there are young people who at certain age move out of the country and by doing this, their children grown up without extended family and their parents experience the empty nest syndrome on a larger scale. What are the effects of this and how the negative effects can be reduced for both sides?

It is quite certain that social and economic circumstances in the transition period have offered other alternatives in a search of existential living conditions. In fact, sociologists talk about the third world war, and this a mass migration that occurs to the population around the world. We are no excluded from the process of migration and we cannot avoid the influence of mass migrations, but obviously on large scale it has already become symptomatic for the future of the small nations and how we will protect the root of our identity when so many of the young generation have moved out. In this case, there is no pink future for the modern contemporary family. One thing is certain, for these so-called empty nests, the loneliness will be nested and the social alienation will grow.

Parents help with the socialization of their child and they use the methods of reward and punishment. Which of these methods is better and how should be used?

Psychologists often say that the reward is much more stimulating that the punishment, but in principle, the punishment should not be left out, certainly as the mildest pedagogical measure used in order the child to learn that things that are good, bad, positive and negative. In the recent decades the moral-educational models have changed and it means that the inappropriate award and punishment have led to chaos in the value system of the young generations. The desire to get rich quickly has led the young people into various forms of deviant behavior.

Is it possible the peer groups during the adolescence period to change thoroughly the values of child that he/she had previously received from the family?  In short, how accurate is the saying “Tell me who you hang around with, and I will tell you who you will become”?

It is certain that the peer groups are a very important factor in the process of socialization, and in a certain period of the development of the adolescent they can be the primary factory. The authority of the friend can be greater that the parent’s authority, particularly if the parent is unable to provide the needs of his child due to very objective reasons. And the wishes and needs of that young person are large, the peer group may grow into a form that can affect that person, unfortunately in a more negative than in a positive point of view.

The number of divorces today is much higher than in the past and this fact has caused the number of children that come from incomplete families to be increased. What is your advice for them?

Statistical data are non-negligible and present a realistic picture of the situation. The real situation is that divorces rate has increased, but when it comes to dysfunctional families in which there is an oppressive atmosphere, the divorce as an alternative is considered as a more acceptable solution for a child who is in the stage of growth and development. It is quite certain that more or less traumas remain with children who go through various conflict situations in their families, but also this goes in favor of the fact about the myth of marriage – family as a permanent institution has collapsed in the modern world of living.

People who are in their golden again our country tend to keep themselves in their homes, even in the cases when they had quite active social life previously.  What is the reason for that?

The middle age is only one of the phases through which the man passes, and to what extent he/she will be active and will use this period of his/her life depends on several factors – physical health, psychic state, the cultural model of individual’s way of living by which he/she managed to maintain or not to maintain his/her vitality. In the countries of Western Europe, the possibility for being sustainable and active in the middle age life period is much greater because the society provides such social and economic policy for people to be realized professionally. Certainly, the greater prosperity is a motive for being active in older age and vice versa, the lack of basic existential means decreases the motive and the desire for being an active citizen in the living environment. The person who is at the end of his/her lifetime and should retire and he/she should complete his/her parental duties and should live a more relaxed lifestyle dedicated to his/her hobby is often involved in providing finance for his/her unemployed son or daughter who have formed their secondary family.

You have always emphasized the need for reading books. Which book has changed you the most? What are you reading at the moment?

I cannot bypass the great Russian novels. According to me they are the peak of the world literature and not by chance Mikhail Alexandrovich Sholokhov and his novel “Quietly Flows the Don” (Тихий Дон) is my favorite book. I have become aware that it has been written so much that one human’s life is not long enough for a person to read a single sentence of each book. Therefore, I constantly read books written by authors who are Nobel prize winners, such as Ivo Andric and his wisdom and his sayings that are equally valid today, despite the fact that they were said almost a century ago.

In the end, what advice would you give to our readers?

Having in mind the fact that I am a professor, I have used Vladimir Ilych Lenin’s slogan “Learn, Learn and Learn” for the whole of my life because being a lifelong learner is of great importance. By lifelong learning we acquire values, knowledge, skills…and we overcome stupidity, ignorance…

Thank you!

The interview was conducted by Dance Miteva, a student at the
Faculty of Psychology with International Slavic University.